I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
