before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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