I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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