So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My dick has a subreddit
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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