It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I have feelings that need drinking.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
