I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
