just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
