there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
