When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
