After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
