i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
