Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
