her facebook's as public as her vagina
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize