Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
