At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
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Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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