You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
