dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
