to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
