yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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