I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
