it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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