I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
