if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
