Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
