He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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