I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
