i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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