two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
