Jerry, you need to find god
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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