so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
