I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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