If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
