We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize