If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
