I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
