In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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