i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
