So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
