so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
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he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
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worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
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