My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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