Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
