Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
