You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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