OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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