part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
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I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
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you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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