Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
