well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize