I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize