So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
