What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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