lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
