the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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