I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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