I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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