i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I want a musical about memes.
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