new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
