Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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