Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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