the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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