You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Do vagina's smell?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
