I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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