So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
