you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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