2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
