wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
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