Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
