so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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