Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
