I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
