I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Why is your signature on my underwear?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
