you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
