my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Say something about gay babies.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
