Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
